A NATIONAL EMERGENCY
M 20 LORRY PARK SHOCK
MONSTER RAVING LOONY ZOMBIE ALIEN HORROR!
CONSTRUCTION OF 154 ACRE CONCRETE LANDING PAD FOR MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS
Dear readers young and old, I bring a shock warning to you all - this piece is over 3,650 words long. Be warned - it's more like a novelette. But what a read! What is more, I am convinced that the minds and hearts of our beloved political leaders and counsellors, our wise 'ruling political party people', have been invaded by cunning monster raving loony zombie alien look-alikes. Yes, I believe zombie aliens are now cleverly masquerading as some of our most trusted guides and counsellors . . . . and councillors, so they can among other things, build a giant concrete 154 acre landing pad for invading Martian flying saucers in the beautiful county of Kent. There is no other explanation for such lunacy, other than it is all part of a plan for Kent to become part of a Close Encounter with the Brain Dead Kind. As you will learn, providing you keep reading what I have written, it is all part of a MARTIAN CUNNING TRIPLE WHAMMY!
My story begins when I had lunch with my old boss who now lives somewhere up North. He told me that the ruling political party people up there were imposing some scheme or other and the local community strongly objected to it. He described some of the steps the ruling political party people were taking.
First he said, all the ruling political party people went around saying the proposals were a 'done deal!' Lots of people believed them and said to one another 'We cannot do anything about this horrible proposal – it's a done deal. Our ruling political party people say so." And instead of going to Protest Meetings or on protest marches they stayed at home watching 'Death in Paradise' and 'Mid Sommer Murders' on TV. After all, it was a done deal!
Then, said my old boss, comes 'The Consultation.' The consultation is moved around from one village hall to another. Pictures and charts are displayed and two or three men in suits present themselves to answer questions – but somehow no matter how the questions are framed, the answers are never within one's grasp – strange as it seems, the answers are invariably unrelated to the question. My old boss said it was a special Civil Service art - the art of speaking while saying nothing. My old boss said that this was the main aim of a civil servant's career and if you are good at it you will be honoured by Her Majesty and might even get a seat in the House of Lords.
Next, my old boss said, comes 'Clarification' – vague, non defined proposals based upon a total absence of reliable statistical or any other evidence or information. My old boss said that mostly this was because there wasn't any reliable statistical information or any other information to offer. He said that ruling party political people and their public relations advisors know that clear and defined proposals lead to stronger and clearer opposition, therefore the ruling political party people ensure everything sounds defined until someone gets round to checking the facts and discovers they don't exist. (The facts, that is) This leads, he said, to greater flexibility for ruling political party people to twist and turn while the people in opposition to proposals are often caught up in details which no longer apply. He said that government agents, ruling political party people, MP's, councillors, make bold statements and give strong and firm, meaningless assurances – with a wave of their happy hands. If questioned about detail, they always manage to sound faintly irritated. After all why should anyone bother them with detail when their concern is the 'big picture' and the 'overall strategy' – they can't be spending time looking at facts. Of course they can't. They communicate the overall picture while making reference to heartening assurances of civil servants – after all if something goes wrong they cannot be expected to take responsibility when all they have done is to accept the advice of civil servants.
Then said my old boss, comes the double whammy or as he prefers, the Double Blinder. The ruling political party people have ensured everyone's attention is on one proposal so that no one notices what they are really up to. And that is to sneak in a much more radical proposal without people noticing. It is like a conjuring trick where the conjurer gets you to look at his left hand while he works the magic with his right hand.
Well, on my way back from an excellent lunch with my old boss I began to reflect on his words in relation to the Lorry /Truck park proposal as a solution to Operation Stack. My old boss's description was convincing but something in me remained uncertain. You see this may well be the way they go on in the North but surely those of the ruling political party people would not behave like it down here in the Golden Garden of the South East? Surely not? Especially not, when our great country is facing, in Operation Stack - "A National Emergency" as designated by both the Prime Minister, Chairman of COBRA (sometimes called COBR - no, I don't know what it means either, so you'll have to look it up), the Chancellor of the Exchequer and Mr Paul Harwood. Would such distinguished people deceive us? I ask you? Would they deceive us? And after all if it wasn't for the great and enlightened Kent ruling political party leadership during all the Operation Stack National Emergencies, society in Kent would have fallen apart.
And if my old boss from up North was right, what on earth would be the Double Blinder?
In a great flash of light came to me the first horrific and chilling answer. You see dear friends, young and old, what I suddenly realised was this situation is not about a lorry park for the M20 at all. The lorry park is just the first half of the Double Blinder. It is the Single Blinder.
So my first idea was that the real situation has got to be all about certain people turning our part of Kent into a giant industrial production and warehouse centre nicely positioned for the channel tunnel and Dover ferries. That makes it the second half of the Double Blinder
When younger, I was privileged to work with the Sellindge and District Residents Association. At that time we were resisting the establishment of a huge waste treatment plant in Sellindge: some insensitive environmental vandal wanted to turn part of Sellindge into a gigantic anaerobic rubbish tip. From time to time, people from all over the county would phone me. They said that they had good connections in Maidstone. Then they insisted that there was a secret plan to establish a major industrial and warehousing area alongside the M 20 from Dover to beyond Ashford but finishing well before Maidstone and Bearsted. (I wonder why Bearsted?) They said this was the original intention when the tunnel was first conceived. One or two callers even said that 'Investments had been made'.
These phone callers said that once a major industrial site was given planning permission, the whole area would be open to intensive industrial development. A huge operating waste treatment plant would be the first step and would help to get planning permission for other developments. Deals were done they said. But the problem was getting the initial planning permission in an area adjacent to an area of Outstanding Natural Beauty containing Farthing Common which provides one of the great classical views of English countryside. Planning permission would be very difficult to obtain – if not impossible they said, so we must stop the waste processing plant.
Such was the situation until the arrival of the Great National Emergency called Operation Stack on the M20. Never mind ISIL or al Qaeda or even Putin – Operation Stack is the real National Emergency the government has to face , and it is taking place in the area of the greatest National Emergency since William shot Harold in the eye - The Battle of Britain. Because the Prime Minister, Chairman of COBRA has said it is a 'Great National Emergency' Highways England can do whatever they like. They certainly do not need planning permission to construct a huge 154 acre lorry park. 154 acres! What a Godsend to those, who for so long, have secretly tended their desires for an area of major industrial activity in our part of the Garden of England. Once 154 acres have been covered in concrete and tarmac, someone somewhere is going to say, 'Why is this huge concrete space empty for over 11 months of the year? Why not build industrial units and all manner of other ugly things around it. We can't let all this concrete space go to waste can we?' And you see once they get going there is so much more space to build on around and near the M20 from Dover to Ashford. Take all those golf courses for a start. Oh yes you men and women of various Folkestone Golf Clubs – don't think you will be protected from compulsory purchase orders once things get going. Oh No!
So that's my old boss's Double Blinder. While we are all up in arms about a 154 acre lorry park, others are planning to turn all the countryside around us, the whole area, into a massive industrial and warehousing complex.
Yet, still I had doubts.
You see, I have met some of these ruling political party people down here in Kent. A while ago, some of them have even had their feet under my dining table. Let's take a couple of examples. Would Damian Collins MP, or civil servant Paul Harwood of Highways England give vague, uncertain, misleading, confusing, incorrect or duplicitous answers to direct questions? Would they or their colleagues, citizens of the oldest democracy, forged oftentimes here in Kent, 'practice to deceive?' No way! Sorry – I don't believe it. OK. It is true I don't know much about Paul Harwood so let's happily put him to one side for the moment and look first to Damian Collins MP. A lot of people voted for him in the last election. A good egg is Damian.
OK, OK, - its true - I have been wondering and I do know it seems strange, that he does not appear to be enquiring into anything that is relevant to the well-being of the local communities and certainly avoids providing essential accurate details for us to make our own assessments and instead, appears to place responsibilities on other government agencies. Yes I know it seems out of character that he says he has to take into account the feelings of other people when all he seems to have done is listen to their Parish Councils who are mostly his own ruling political party people. (And anyway which Parish council has surveyed opinion on this matter? But Sellindge is - Oh yes – I expect it's that power house of the Sellindge Chairman, we have to thank, for that!) Yes I know this and much more. I know no one is perfect. But I can say that the man whose feet have walked over my front door mat would never behave in an irresponsible way. It is quite out of character.
And what about Paul Harwood? Well I have only met him once at the Sellindge Social Club when he arrived with some lovely charts and diagrams. Anyway, I looked him up on Google and found a clip of him giving a lecture on Network Strategy for Airport Expansion. The clip showed some wonderful diagrams and being clearly on top of his subject, he spoke to his audience with great confidence, his words flowing like a mighty river in flood, carrying all before it. His confidence and certainty would brook no impediment.
But it was at that very moment, when those very thoughts were going through my mind, that another and quite different, terrible, horrific, suspicion – entered my little grey cells.
You see when Paul Harwood came to Sellindge Social Club with some nice diagrams, our good Les Barratt asked him a simple question: Had he been in touch with Southern Water? After all as far as we know Paul is the most senior engineer on this project. Surely he would have run his proposals past Southern Water – you know - just a phone call to make sure. But as Les asked his question, Paul's jaw dropped and opened mouthed he just looked at us – for a long time. The mighty verbal river flow which had borne the Network Strategy for Airport Expansion had dried up – not even a trickle. So the good Les asked again, "If you haven't asked Southern Water about sewerage, how do you know these sites can deal with the sewerage? This time after some long hesitation, a tiny trickle slowly appeared. The great engineer said, "If Southern Water wants to know anything they can phone me." So I chipped in with "Hold on a minute, if and when Operation Stack is fully working you will have around 5,000 men and women - please don't forget there will be 'Ladies' as well as 'Gents' wanting to urinate and defecate. They might even want a shower. Looking at all that concrete might actually induce the thought and feeling. So where on all that concrete are they going to do it? Again a long pause before Paul said defiantly, "Well, they do it now don't they on the M 20!". "So does that means into plastic bags which are chucked out of the cab windows? Who will clear them up on the 154 acre site?", I politely enquired. He looked rather irritated as if he was being prevented from outlining the Grand Strategy, " It's no different to a theatre or a football match. Six thousand people can easily turn up on those occasions and the sewers cope," he opined
I could not believe what I was hearing. Surely this was not the same brilliant man who devises Network Strategies for Airport Expansions? Surely this was not the man whose mind and words carried all before him like a mighty river?
I wanted to ask more. I wanted to ask about 'the largest Truck Park in the World' in Iowa USA, which can park only 900 lorries and yet has a massive infrastructure to cope with driver needs. It has over 400 employees, 15 fuel pumps and dedicated pumps for diesel exhaust fluid, with all the support services and systems those services require. It includes several restaurants, sleeping accommodation, showers and bathing, doctor and dentist surgeries which are open 24 hours a day. Management, cleaners, traffic controllers, security and who knows what else.
Mr Harwood's scheme is for four times as many trucks and a park of a size that has never ever been tried anywhere in the world before. The Iowa truck park operates all day all year. It does not take a genius to wonder how the Stanford Lorry Park which at the very, very worst might operate for one month per year, but rarely for more than two or three consecutive days, will be able to function. What will happen on the £250 million empty chunk of concrete for say 11 months per year? I wanted to ask all this and more. But Mr Paul Harwood had retreated. Of course we are assuming that this Stanford Park is just for occasions when Operation Stack is operating. Surely our ruling political party people would never use COBRA and National Emergency legislation to get round the normal planning application which a proposed lorry park would have to undertake? (I am sure our noble Prime Minister would be devastated to find such underhanded deceitful action had been taken in his good name. And what would our wise Leader of Kent County Council make of it all, I wonder. Surely he would be heart-broken.)
It was only when I came to compare the ' mighty river flow' Harwood of Airport Strategies with the open mouthed hesitant Harwood of Sellindge Social Club that my horrific, terrifying suspicions turned towards a new certainty. My blood ran cold. These men, Harwood and Collins were not the men I thought them to be. This was not the Paul 'like a mighty river flowing' Harwood. This was an impersonator, an imitator, an impostor. My mind then flashed to Damian Collins and his inexplicable inconsistencies. Things he was saying which are just not good old Damian. The man talking rubbish was not Damian at all but another look-a-like imposter. Does it end here? I doubt it. How can any of us say that the protagonists of this Lorry Park scheme are real people? With my dreadful, and horrific realisation came a moment of blood chilling insight.
It seems more than likely that none of the advocates of the Lorry Park Scheme are real people. After all, the aim of the Lorry Park is to bring to an end Operation Stack but to do that in two years time, it would need to park some 12,000 trucks or more. No! This cannot be the policy of real people. But if they are not the real people who can they be? My young grandson gave me the answer. He is doing Politics A level and he asked me if the Monster Raving Loony Party still existed. And that was it. Of course! Somehow, some of those rather nice Monster Raving Loony People have become horrible Zombie Aliens with wicked intentions.
So what we see and hear talking to us are Monster Raving Loony Zombie Aliens. The real Damian Collins and Paul Harwood and their colleagues have been spirited away somewhere. It makes so much sense. But hold on a minute, who are the Monster Raving Loony Zombie Aliens working for? The inspired answer came after some reflection – what would a chunk of concrete the size of 90 football pitches be needed for? I became inspired. Don't ever forget that 'God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform'. Once you realise it, it seems so obvious.
The Zombie Aliens are working for Martians from Mars who have been planning an invasion of Kent for a very long time. It is The Triple Blinder, the Triple Whammy. (do you remember all that way back? It is where we began this journey at lunch with my old boss!) Martians want to come here but they hate gardens and trees and fields and country views and wild animals and birds and birdsong. Yes, they hate birdsong and the lowing of cattle and the bleating of sheep and whatever sound horses and ponies make. The Martians especially hate seeing families and children going out to meet and enjoy nature and the natural world. They hate seeing youngsters playing cricket and net ball and football and rugby on real grass. They hate it all, the Martians do. Martians love plain crunchy concrete that stretches far beyond view on which one can see lots of little plastic bags lying around where lorries have parked. Eventually they plan to cover the whole UK with concrete. But first they need a landing pad for their flying saucers. 154 acres is just about right.
So then, everything is going to plan. The Martians don't even need to apply for planning permission from KCC or Shepway or Dave, the Prime Minister, Chairman of Cobra. The Great National Emergency will give them what they want. It is all going to plan.
However dear readers young and old, I have a different plan. With your help I am resolved to find and bring back the real Damian Collins and the real Paul 'mighty like a river flowing' Harwood and all the ruling political party people and set them to become the Real Leaders, which by Nature they are. Let them discover the accuracy or otherwise of Police and Highways England statistics and the actual effectiveness of their previous roadside parking concepts and the way they restricted access, and lorry flows along the M20, air pollution, water pollution, ecology issues and probable effect on local communities, the effect upon the sanity of people owning houses in Stanford, the effect of poisoned water in our aquifers and all the masses of other information that they can get hold of and we cannot. After all, this is what they are paid to do. This is what they are paid to do. With our encouragement, let the real Damian Collins investigate the real threat to Sellindge School and Stanford village from 3,600 trucks parked closely together instead of being stretched out in one long line for miles and miles and miles down the M20. Let them all get the real data. Let's find out how the largest truck park in the world in Iowa USA operates and what the problems are and how they are solved. Good Old Damian could even go there with mighty river Paul, on a legit fact finding trip – blimey - Iowa in the spring time - they say you get a really good steak and fries there Damian and Paul.
That's my plan. Well almost. One other thing is to March. March in March. All the villages, the golfers, the children and everyone else to go on a March in March. There is nothing like an 'all villagers march' to unsettle the ruling political party people and the Government and the Chairman of COBRA. A good massive march can work wonders. Of course it has to be organised, but then there are a lot of very good organisers out there. You are probably one of them. And the Media love it. And the other good thing about it is that it will frighten off those horrible Martian Monster Raving Loony Zombie Aliens, (they hate marches), so their plan to give us a Close Encounter with the Brain Dead Kind will never succeed.
Ronald Lello: previously Chairman of Sellindge and District Residents Association
